Regret…Guilt…Remorse and questions that prevails

Once upon a time….Well I never thought it could be a perfect beginning of any piece yet it has always been a beginning, a way when you have lost all the ways, won’t brag here that a beautiful trip was planned today my friends from different branch and hostel have cordially invited me on it although cordially is an exaggeration, the trip was planned to begin from 3 in the morning and for a person who sleeps late at night I thought it wasn’t a tough task at-all but who knew that my eyes and subconscious has a different plan and as you can presume the rest of the plot I decided in the night to have a power nap, a nap which will eventually win a coup over my mind and body to declare me powerless huh an irony just passed by and no one noticed. I slept they called me numerous times with my phone next to me my alarm shouted continuously but the entire process of failing was planned and I just fell on it, waking in hurry and regret realizing all the dress code I was prepared from a fortnight all the poses I was wishing for pictures have finally gone in vain, a wonderful trip food to my restless mind, which I guess was never intended for me.
Now exactly there is a feeling of regret and I have felt regret a lot many times if it’s powerful it can easily and swiftly transform to the next level the level called guilt and then to remorse from then the road leads to questions the questions of what if? why? and many more, and I won’t claim that overthinking is a disease well who am ‘I to say but today dear Moavi I won’t be talking about this incident, as nevertheless there isn’t anything exactly left to say except claiming myself a looser which somewhere I know I’m, but today let’s talk about some other incident real or factious I don’t know but again who am ‘I to claim.
Ok, let’s give a different beginning to it as the beginning is everything as you may have seen through a story that could just not begin now. Once upon a time, there was a boyfriend and there was a girlfriend, first of all, it’s very cliché and secondly, people have a stoop meaning for these two professions, like a journey from debonair to delirium and well it’s separately a two entity or let’s begin again like once upon a time there was a couple well it’s more of equal and opposite force making a situation static, so better refrain and begin again once upon a time there were two lovers.. two yet blend together as once it’s not a big thing nowadays to say I love you, on the other hand, it’s one of the biggest things to feel it.
Cinema is a great form of art it shows us the world a little differently maybe being a little less realistic but isn’t it the desire for an alternate ending or an alternate reality that leads the idea of cinema, it’s a place where people don’t go to learn and feel the pain of social issues..but on the other hand, people go to feel the euphoria of something they desire to be present, like me dressing up and getting ready with new excitement and freshness at 3 am in the morning or some lovers to celebrate the day they first met. As every storyteller has a way of narrating certain style and words for the proceedings certain intervals to shift or more like a pause button for the climax to proceed in stealth and steadily as no point in knowing what you know…. like thirst you know it you can feel it but what if there’s a glassful of fresh spring water for everyone except you. I’m thirsty she said and the man with the empty pocket regretted but wait for a minute that’s all he said he went outside to see a big line of spectators and audience glaring and flashing directly at him shouting go, my hero, it’s your day you can do it go on.. there is the counter just in front of you go and snatch it with pride present her with everything available and bring a happy ending to this sight, everyone was boasting the morale of their favorite character they were all cheering and clapping. Oh what a sight it was you see the protagonist smiled he stood in the long line and hoped that his chance never came, hoped that he can return with an excuse at-least, yet today everything was in his favor he has never seen any line so smoothly coming to an end and there was everything he needed just there in front of his eyes checking his pocket again and again guess I forgot my card he retuned with moist eyes, now it was something audience didn’t expect traitor that’s all he was easily declared… faith is hard to earn and now guilt has have it replaced, he just couldn’t go to her thirsty he too decided to remain seating in a seprate corner he welcomed remorse that was passing his way, hoping that even by mistake a familiar face will pass and he could lend some cash, helpless he was and helpless she waited just for him to come back.. his phone was ringing, again and again, her name flashing with the beat of his heart should I pick it should I say the line is too big I just can’t get it or am‘I even capable of her, do I even deserve her what if she left me and she better should as what point of being with someone who can’t even fulfill such a trivial wish or should I even go inside if yes than with what facade, to go and say I can’t even bring you water, my love.. he was in a dilemma and so was the audience, he just sat and the phone kept ringing. I haven’t seen his eyes with tears in a long time and there he was the selfish man pitiful on himself, the father who can’t send his children to college a husband who can’t afford her beloved’s solitaire diamond, as the movie depicts Amsterdam a place she’s been long ago and a place like an entire dream to just step in to… there he was a failure in all the events of future which may never come into reality, an alternate ending for all the worlds he wanted to create…

Yes overthinking is a disease and maybe you’re right but who I’m to say, a deprived individual lost in a sleep from which he missed every possible moment to awake.

By- Kshitij Sinha
1/3/2018