An Atheist for Tonight

I was proud of myself
I admired my car my bank balance
Luxury was my life, a serious comedy
Not more not less
Until I met her and amusingly she replied
Unlike you I follow my passion, I do what I enjoy
Envy me, be jealous if you like
Does that hurt, In a way it did
The rebel writer rose for a while, forgetting there’s always a blamed engineer
One who doesn’t choose me
Neither did I, as our engagement wasn’t a mutual consent
Unknowingly our faith did collide
Some hesitate to resist
In this world, it’s always easy to condemn
With kind society in the bubble of settled flames
Not so hard, keep exploring for alibies
Have been habitual to the uprising in suppression
Dilemma and chaos has always done the magic of endless creation
I was never a captain, admired being a sailor
Sharpen your tools…..
The anchor was mine, instructions were not
With destruction a simple preventive to predictive adaptation
A sailor of the soulful ship, a lust for the journey
No goal, no purpose infinite yet carried the singularity of bounded dreams
Being the water, taking shape of whatever passes by
In the elated poetry
Turbulent student of science, a weak mathematician
I was found to be lost tested by sadistic pleasures
Equations I never understand, and the dots I failed to combine

Who am I? What I wanted?
The polite me never argued in the maze of life
Patient of everything that’s prescribed
A devil stabbed in the back
Ghost in Specter, a slave wrapped to be immortalized
Drowned in the flood of naked truth
Wonder why like her, I have forgotten to smile
Her lips had a precious grin, whom I search in mirrors
To feel a faint sensation
As a distant memory of falling from a height
The curse of vertigo, a phobia I failed to survive

Soon our feeblest contemplation of the cosmos stir us
I felt an ache tingling in the spine
Until I caught her amiable and ardent voice
Am I in the present? Is she real? Will she stay?
Or just leave like an Eclipse over the sunshine
Fearing to face the world, just feared to face her lucid eyes
Oh!…. My life is a serious comedy
Just a joke which brings no joy
The kingdom is mine and mine alone
I’m the forfeit king, not at all emotional
Remorse, Melancholy, regret, let’s talk about solitude
Excluding all the things I hide
Are you fine, she asked

Yes
I’m trying to be, an Atheist for tonight

By – Kshitij Sinha
17/7/2017