I feel so close to you now, more than I ever have I feel like running away and hugging you so tight so close…like an eternal presence.
Today morning was quite diffrent yesterday it was an extreme counterpart it was a day when the humble twin broke like an old habbit running and tracing steps back towards an old mistake. Do I regret that well who am’I to judge to brake is a luxury I seldom posess, yet today when I woke up I felt changed as the other twin took over and yes it was a nascent child like feeling one without the emotions of attachmnet or detachments the one with only a pure grin looking up peering deep in the eyes of the sky as the first drop drizzles to form a cherishable rain ready to dwell in that unprecended petrichor forgetful of all those fears and nonexistent for everyone else. I felt a vibe saying it’s time to move ahead and realize the learnings and to recognize what life has always holded for you.
And like always whenever I have felt the need to be inspired whenever I have felt to be reminded of that kid…I’ll visit a hospital to meet that earlier version with needle in hand stiches on head still running with joy wishing the nurses pssing by as that memory has befrinded this strange place of gloom where you’ll see lament, gloom and melancholy nurturing and ruling has a diffrent impact altogether on myself.
It’s hard to continue from here as not realizing which way I should lead this conversation of ours as I have hardly been a good leader but a baffled and confused mind in every single step.
Red once a friend of mine has written a beautiful poem titled red vibrant as the color plays the role in our lives…Red the colour with the longest wavelength the colour of danger and passion as well the color of affection and the color flowing through all our veins, it’s strange that the most pointest object leaves deeper shrper wounds than structured, enlarged and blunt objects, it may pain but not from within, I’m grown for an age now yet I’m not ashamed of saying that I do fear injections they have and will continue scaring me in the long run, yet when it penetrated my skin and when my blood was sucked from my diminishing body I realized there’s no one that’s mine except this change is the only constant and people may vow to stay forever with you yet the only thing that’s ever gonna stay is this Red…and as it was getting sucked I felt like it’s me whose leaving to that surfaced and structured syringe untoudetly it wasn’t that easy as I realized there’s very less of blood remaining in me slowly slowly drip by drip it was passing yet never complete even the monseuir got shocked by the air bubbles and the affinity of every drop towards me, he kept pushing the needle back and forth in order to generate the pressure as I could feel the struggle as it would reach close and again far back, precisely like the waves of sea trapped in a perplex of a never ending cycle and there at that preicse moment I felt transcended back to the waves floaing in the lunar night.
I did took few steps, few steps closer in the depth and suddenly I felt everything losing away getting free from all that ever existed including the ubiquitos life I have left myself, and in that moment I felt losing away nothing and everything as standing I just closed my eyes slowly and slowly and everything just faded away you, me and all the parallel universe junctioing at this node where I just closed my eyes and slowly faded away….in the waves of both lost and forgivven.
It was a click certain blisful seconds later and a backard cycle started in a poetic phase…Slowly my eyelids opened and slowly the sea pushed me back to the sands….Slowly and slowly I realized a crowd around and I the centre of attention with full sweat like running from millenal ages…And precisely there I was…….
By- Kshitij Sinha