It was a cold December afternoon, the sun had taken a detour, the sky was so arid, and a door ajar from which a letter just slid. The letter had come from far…No owl delivered it, nor a peigon brought it. The letter had swam, the letter had fins, the letter had gills, the waves had finally met the breeze.
Knock knock…whose there?
I was sought by the watchers, the makers of destiny, and the keepers of time. There was an echo and the dream sighed…The responsibility of all the responsibilities had turned, and the bullet was now fired piercing a heart so fragile and the crimson so deep…A soul was brought, and I was chosen to cater to its needs to nurture, to embrace, and to be embraced to be a friend. In the whispering winds of December, you came in a tank half of my arm’s length yet full of my heart
Like a train destined never to leave its tracks, your quiet soul wandered through the hollow tunnels of my own emptiness, filling spaces I never knew existed. I thought I would take care of you.
And for a while, I did.
Soon the tank was filled with water, the driftwood was added with the moss, your favorite plants were selected on whom you swindled like a doll up and down like a seesaw, you wondered… sometimes as I came, you peered and looked deeper, you were called Mac as your arrival had got me my new laptop, and we were companions in this house of things… Shallow and incomplete, we were the souls living, interacting, and talking. I fed you, and you filled. I added plants, I added a filter, and another.. I changed waters, and whenever I leave I’ll hope that once I’m back you’ll be there waiting for me,somehow in the process I got greedy, I got selfish, and the world which was around you…slowly you became a part of it. I added newer tankmates and you sustained… peaceful but the sustenance soon seemed to become a compromise the king was brought equal to peasants the struggle for space the food fight…yet to me you were the king (Even though you refuse to beleive)… your fins slowed your speed reduced and the struggle rose wonder where was I when you needed me… oh yes I was setting up another tank adding newer fishes, in the process of caring for all …”I lost you”.
From peasant slowly you became nobody but not to me to me still you were the fish around which the world revolved (Even though you refuse to beleive) and one day the bright sharp waving fins had just crumbled into wrinkled linen shirts devoid of its charm one day your fins were just a shattered glass and suddenly I woke up I transferred you into separate tank the drops which were supposed to cure were added and the novice me tried to change water, food but guess it was too late.
I saw you looked at me, you rose and rose, I saw you lifted, you went up, and like the parting wave, the sound and the breeze were separated from my fish, now you were just lying… My moon had been swallowed by darkness, and there, in that unbearable stillness, you left me. But perhaps the truth is that I had left you long before you ever left me. People say you died, but they’re wrong. You were murdered…by none other than me.
Not with cruelty or anger, but with neglect, with distraction, and with the arrogance of believing there would always be another tomorrow to make things right.
I let you down, and perhaps that’s what frightens me the most, because sometimes I wonder if that’s what I do to the things I love…I let them down. Now I look at you, and perhaps, somewhere beyond memory, you look back at me. One of us is alive, and one of us is dead, but after everything that happened, I’m no longer certain which one of us is.
Your red changed to white, your body went pale, your fins went motionless, and as the clock ticked 1 and as the clock ticked 2 and as the clock ticked 3, the fish was me, the fish who learnt all but to swim.
By: Kshitij Sinha
16/07/2026
