I really need a purpose in life, although I have kept myself and my mind extremely baffled with words like infinite, paradox and possibilities yet simultaneously knowing it’s just a mirage and you can’t risk the whole of your orientation just on a single factor, as at the end of the day you have to figure out your orbit maintain your axis and just rotate till another revolution is crossed and you’re back at the very beginning with the very question I ask myself today only to seek the depths of this powerful word purpose never realizing it’s meaning.
Nowadays, when I look around, I see people obviously it’s not the first time I’m having these illusions but this time I peer deep in their eyes only to realize there’s something changed, they’re more vibrant decorated with an unknown radiance vital energetic, illuminated and bright radiation guarding them. And if there’s an exact antonym of that, shamefully would be me dull as always. And I’m not even lying it’s just most of the time I can’t feel my own body lost like drunk and senseless as the victim of a poisonous bite numb as ice, it’s just my head that now only stumbles with the myriad weight of void being unrealistically heavy. I don’t know much about right or wrong still, it doesn’t feel a good sign to me.
Dear, I just don’t have any purpose in my life. I’m walking just walking continuously and tirelessly but where !, that’s is something I can’t tell, just drowning more and more in the mob of ordinary still unique by being the only one who’s not rising. I see people getting busy and I envy that most to have a schedule, attending classes and being part of meaningful courses only to realize every second I keep missing the opportunity to learn something new, meet someone new to get indulged in something new, fall and get chased by the new sonorous is the sound and I love to dive in this ocean of new but coming out of fantasy world, I’m just sleeping more and more watching movies again and again just what more you expect a perfect looser to do, still not being perfect in that. I do go for my evening walks more often actually just complaining the easiest way to blame although it temporarily makes you feel right bemoaning for solace in hanging and why’s everyone smiling, excluding me.
Now answering you’re question, I do feel the need of a companion a counselor being precise, with whom I can sit and have a nice talk ( which only a few persons have the art to provide) one who’ll answer my foolish questions, answers to those I already knew but affirmation is all what this heart desires, a little support, and consolation. One who’ll just be there in every situation I really don’t have great expectations though just being there with me is what I seek.
As Dear recently life has been harsh on me, obviously I must have mistaken somewhere again, and if miss destiny you’re hearing that I apologize, Dear just for the sake of temporary happiness we have been now dependent on external stimulus never realizing that desire’s something which literally never seize to exist it gradually keeps growing on and on, undoubtedly higher and higher how much fortified your castle is, it always finds the way to overcome. Yet the only thing we really need to maintain a longer smile is a goal, routine, motivation, and just my soul co-operating in the abode she resides in the tender and sophisticated heart of a man who’s lost from ages.
Dear I dream of spring with flowers blooming around questioning is it what people call a proud elation, does really completing your goal feels that jovial, do one really get a strengthful calm and devoted sleep after that. Maybe it’s all wrong but even if there’s a single percent truth in it, then I want a taste of it, a sling of that profound ecstasy. I would push all my energies towards it, expressing all the unrequited love that I store in something that has yet never replied. But I wish and pray for it, I pray to be persistent and loyal towards it. Dear make me meet my alter-ego, let me meet my goal, I have long been deprived.
What is my purpose…
Don’t make me an orphan come and adopt me. Embrace my breath and allow me to cherish you.
I really long for freedom, not independence.
By- Kshitij Sinha